One of the biggest shifts of my life was making the decision to no longer live as a homosexual man. I left off sharing my conversation with my gay parent, Maddy. I had not decided when I would tell the rest of my friends...no...family. I had spent the majority of my time with these guys. I had no real close straight friends that I hung with on the regular. Sure, I had some really good straight friends but they weren't integrated into my social life. I would soon learn that a person's social life cannot easily be altered.
It was decided by Maddy (without my knowledge) that I would tell everyone at our Christmas gathering at my place. That was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. Sharing this with my family was like telling them that I was going away to another land. It was surreal. As I shared in the last post, this meant that I would have to somewhat distance myself. Like Maddy put it, it felt like a death. There were tears, hugs, and well wishes. There was even a word from one of my brothers that left me a little confused. He simply said, "If you don't make it, you can always come back home! I know you're gonna make it...but if you don't, come on back home." I knew what he meant and I appreciated the sentiment.
What ensued in the years afterward was nearly unbearable. Because I now had restrictions on my relationships with my family, a real distance between me and some of the guys set in. It was AWFUL! I would come to find out years later that no one really knew what to do. I totally got that, but it felt like we lost so much precious time. Thankfully, I had my friend that planted this seed that led me to that point in my life. We talked almost everyday forging this new friendship between kindred spirits. Two guys trying to do what we believed God wanted us to do. He wasn't so much interested in trying to find a wife and have kids, he just believed that God wasn't pleased with the homosexual lifestyle. Me? I wanted the wife, the kids, and the life that I envisioned as a youngster. And I believed God was going to make that happen for me.
I also shared this news with a friend of mine who was a lesbian. She and I had met through one of my brothers and we became fast friends. We eventually cut back our communicating on a regular basis until she called me up and told me we needed to meet. At that time, her news was like music to my ears. She had decided that she was no longer living as a lesbian. The news was good to me because it meant there was another person to fill those huge gaps of loneliness. She and I both wanted to be married and we believed that for each other.
I asked God to send me more straight friends so that I could integrate myself into the "straight world". That didn't happen, but I did meet some good people that are my friends to this day. There was one in particular that became a very dear friend. She was God-fearing, fun-living, talented, successful, and pretty. What more could a guy in my shoes want???
Check back in and the answer is yours!
I believe that most people, at some point in their lives, feels a tad lonely. In those times it's hard to know what to do or where to turn. Or, is it really? We don't always think of turning to God in our times of loneliness or distress. It's so much easier to seek out a human being that we can see, hear and touch. Or is it?? Actually, I've come to find that God is a much better choice. He's always there. The Bible says that God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in time of trouble. (Psalm 46:1) Ever-present. That means He's always there. Friends and family are not always there when you need them. Sometimes God orchestrates events and times them in such a manner that the only person you can call on is Him. He longs to hear from us. So call Him up!
As always, I encourage you to let the love of God liberate you!!
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