Isn't funny how your perception of any given age range can change the closer you get to it? When I was a kid, I thought I'd get married and start a family after college. The twenties seemed to be so "grown up". When I was in my late teens, however, I don't really recall how I perceived the twenties. I think I was just trying to find my place...unknowingly. In retrospect, it seems as though I were living in a fog. Not that my entire existence during that time was all dreary, but even then it seemed like I was jockeying for position...any position...again, unknowingly. This would change soon, right?? As sure as the seasons do, huh?
So, high school graduation was looming. Looming? Yes, looming. I knew I wanted to go to college and I wanted to "get out into creation!" I tried out for cheerleader at a very, very prestigious "cheerleader" college. The school wasn't known for its academic program. It really was a highly esteemed cheerleader college...a junior college at that! My dad was only too glad to encourage me to try out for cheerleader there because the school offered a full scholarship. He even went with me to tryouts. Ain't that somethin'?? Well, I didn't make it. There were so many incumbents and they were ALL awesome. I was the smallest and, of course, the least experienced with advanced stunts. I was extremely disappointed.
I was very quiet on the nearly two-hour drive home. My pops was as consoling as he could be. But...I believe he was glad I didn't make it. He somehow managed to mention that the guys on the squad seemed like they migt be a little funny. It's true. They were extremely "girly". But they were FUN-NEE!!! I got to spend some time with them and I know that had I made the squad, they were going to be on a mission trying to pull me out of the closet! Timing is everything. It's about life's seasons.
And it wasn't time.
My dad convinced me to enroll at a college fifteen miles from our home: East Texas State University (Texas A&M-Commerce). HATED IT!! This meant that I would have to live at home!! UGH!! I was soooo ready to, again, "get out into creation". But, I tried to make the best of it. The best of it?? Well, that entailed hanging out with people I already knew. All my black friends went to other colleges, so I did the "white" thing. Nothing wrong with it, but I do believe that it limited my ability to really experience college life to the fullest. After hearing the awesome stories of some of my best friends' college experiences, I really wished I would have taken another route. We may talk more about that later.
I didn't really establish many lasting relationships during my college experience. Again, just hung out with people that I went to high school with...and they lived at home too! Going to class, working my part-time at Braum's Ice Cream, and avoiding fights with my dad was my routine. Nothing really exciting. Trying my best to enjoy college life while living under the still watchful eye of my dad. Was not having the time of my life. Until...
Love came a'callin'!!
My first love. I remember it like it was yesterday. If one closes his eyes, one can breathe in the scent of the air...the air of that particular era of one's life...the air that held the scent of awaiting love that hung like ripened fruit ready for picking. Calling my name, it was. Reaching...reaching...Got it!! The first taste...eyes closed and buds yearning for the sweetness.
YUCK!! Sour grapes!!
Okay, not sour. It was really good. You know, the first love. You never forget it. I say sour grapes because, while we had this incredible chemistry, we argued all the time. So, it didn't last as long as I would have liked. She was three years my junior. I did mention that, right? I was a sophomore in college and she was a junior in high school. While not that far apart in age, on totally different levels. I fell fast and hard. She was going to be my wife and we were going to make some GORGEOUS babies together! Lasted about six months and we were done. Remained friends and eventually lost touch. Everyone's story, huh?
Seasons...
My first love...it was good and I'll never forget it. Had I gone off to the "cheerleader college" I wouldn't have had that experience. I'm not saying that I couldn't have experienced my first love there. I just believe in seasons. For whatever reason, I believe I was supposed to have the experience that I had exactly where I had it at the time that I had it with whom I had it. God knows now and He knew back then what my life's seasons would hold. I can't say that I remember a whole lot about my relationship with God during that time. I can say that I know that He was going right ahead of me, preparing the way and keeping me out of harm's way. He knew that each season would provide its share of fun, excitement, joy, laughter and yes, even its share of bewilderment, sadness, pain, loss, and tears. For Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 states: "To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heavens: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill and a time to heal; a time to break down and a time to build up; A time to weep and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; A time to cast away stones and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing; A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep and time to cast away; A time to rend and a time to sew; a time to keep silent and a time to speak; A time to love and a time to hate; a time of war and a time of peace.
I'm so glad that even though seasons change, God does not and neither does His love for us. He has a divine timeline for us all. Whatever your current season, I encourage you to seek God and allow yourself to be sensitive to His gentle nods that will tenderly guide you on your journey. Be enveloped by His love and know that EVERY season has its purpose in your life.
Until next time...Let Love Liberate You!!
