Loved to Tears

Today I heard a portion of a scripture that I've known pretty much my whole life. As a matter of fact, I believe it was the first scripture that I memorized as a child. John 3:16 was probably one of the first scriptures committed to memory by most church youth. I say all that to help you understand the gravity of what happened to me today. I was watching T.D. Jakes on television and he was sharing with his congregation the profundity of what God did when He sent Jesus as the Christ child. The fact that Jesus had to come as a newborn baby; that He had to learn and grow; that He had to experience human suffering. All this was part of a divine plan to restore the broken relationship between God and man. Sure, God have sent Jesus as a fully grown man to earth...He really could have done that, you know. However, in His divine wisdom, He knew that it would require more than that. Because God is not human, He needed Jesus to experience life from infancy to adulthood so that God could relate to our feelings...from joy to sadness...and everything in between.

During his mesmerizing delivery of this message, he recited a portion of John 3:16: "For God so loved the world..." If you don't know that scripture in full, here is the rest of it along with 17 and 18:

16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
17 For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.
18 Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because they have not believed in the name of God’s one and only Son.

Bishop Jakes didn't recite these three verses. He didn't even say all of verse 16. All he said was, "For God so loved the world..." I burst into tears!!! I could not stop them from flowing. I was so overwhelmed at this act of love. This love that would liberate us from our lives as captives to legalism and spiritual poverty. God loves me to tears!!!!

I asked God to send me a refreshing revelation of His love for me. He did that two years ago without my requesting such and it changed my life. I have longed for that feeling in recent months, so I asked for it. He did just that. Isn't that a GREAT GOD??? Whenever you ask God for something, believe like a child and you will receive. (Matthew 21:22)

Just consider how much God loves you. Let Him love you to tears!

Be Liberated!

"The Life"

Picking up where I left off regarding my introduction to "the life"....

I'll spare you most of the details of 12 years of relationships, clubbing, fun times, clubbing, sad times, and clubbing. Did I mention clubbing?? At one point (actually for several years) my friends and I were out five nights a week at some club. Our days off were Wednesday (choir night) and Thursday (until a new club opened). Those were some fun times. We were all young and had not yet started making good money, so we saved our "coins" to get into the club and buy a couple of drinks. We learned that if we had a couple drinks at home and maybe stow something in the car, we wouldn't have to spend that much in the club. Those were the days...or nights.

I must tell you that when I first entered a gay club after coming out of the closet, it was beyond thrilling. I felt fear. I felt excitement. I felt almost undercover. It was like I was living some sort of clandestine experience. At the same time, I felt free to be me...a new me. However, that would change as the years rolled by.

I was told by my "gay parent" (whom we'll refer to as Maddy...that's Mama & Daddy in one) that I needed to be really careful. I remember him telling me: "You are new to this scene and you're going to be the 'belle of the ball'. Don't let it go to your head!" He explained to me that so many people succumb to being in the limelight and eventually find themselves in a bad place. They love the attention and if they don't know how to channel that attention, they become addicted to it and eventually lead a dangerous life of promiscuity and loneliness. While I don't believe I would have allowed myself to fall into that trap, I'm so extremely thankful for Maddy. He was the mother and father that I needed at that time in my life and continues in that role today.

When I reflect on my relationship with God during that time, I must admit that things are a bit blurry. I was in church sitting on the organ bench every Sunday...usually hungover. Thankfully, we had a very good choir and exciting church services. Otherwise, I probably would have been slumped over at some point during the service. What does any of this say about my relationship with God?? Not much, I'm afraid.

I believe it would be fair to say that I was extremely distracted by my new life. I prayed...not every day...but I prayed. I read my Bible...not every day...but I read it. I would have to say that my early to mid-twenties was like that of most Christians: We loved God the best we knew how. Most of us had our guilt spells, but then we'd forget about the guilt when engaged in our favorite activities. I wouldn't say that I thought it was okay to go out and get drunk four to five nights a week. Nor did I believe that it was okay for me to be involved in a homosexual relationship. However, for whatever reason, I was so caught up in my new life that I didn't wallow in guilt...at first.

As the years rolled by, the distractions of the new life got old. Thank God that was only a season in my life. There are people in their forties and fifties still "distracted". I'm so thankful that my relationship with Jesus was starting to grow to a new level. While it grew to a place that He wasn't leading me--condemnation--it started to change the way I looked at my life...new and old. I became more and more aware that I was living somwhat foolishly and without true spiritual depth. I'll share more about the condemnation later, as it became a sad way of life for me for many years.

I do not regret the years of fun that I had. In retrospect, would I have done some things differently? Yes. I wouldn't have gone out as much and been so care-free with my spending. I wouldn't have allowed "the life" to be the obsession that it was. Although, looking back I do realize that I wasn't as bad as I could have been. Being under the watchful eye of Maddy and under the protective wings of The Almighty, I veered away from so many of the dangers that lurked in the night. I'm so thankful that even when I didn't know the 91st Psalm, God was protecting me. Preserving me for this time in my life.

Whatever phase or stage of life you're in, I'd like to inform you that God is with you. You may not feel like...EVER. But He is. I'll leave you with a passage of scripture that has been a wonderful comfort to me in recent years...Psalms 91.

1 Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
2 I will say of the LORD, “He is my refuge and my fortress,my God, in whom I trust.” 3 Surely he will save you from the fowler’s snare and from the deadly pestilence.
4 He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
5 You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day,
6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday.
7 A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you.
8 You will only observe with your eyes and see the punishment of the wicked.
9 If you say, “The LORD is my refuge,” and you make the Most High your dwelling,
10 no harm will overtake you, no disaster will come near your tent.
11 For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways;
12 they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
13 You will tread on the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent.
14 “Because he[b] loves me,” says the LORD, “I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
15 He will call on me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him.
16 With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation.”

I pray that you will find comfort, as have I, in this passage.

Until next time, Let the Love of God Liberate You!!

I CANNOT GO ON...

Terrell Williams


I imagine these were the words of young Terrell Williams, a 17 year-old who took his life on October 13 in Lakewood, WA. Another victim of gay bullying, Terrell ended his life after being attacked by five guys from his high school. The recent wave of such incidents has truly saddened as well as incited me.

Today, I saw that Portia De Rossi, actress and wife of Ellen Degeneres, was going to be on Oprah discussing her book and her struggle with anorexia and bulimia. So, I decided to record the show. I was not aware (or don't really recall) that Portia battled these disorders and was very engrossed in her story when Oprah asked her where did her sexual identity fit into all of this. As you can imagine, like with most people, her being gay was a pretty big deal most of her life. One of the things she said that really struck me was, "Hiding your sexuality is a horrible way to live and is a huge disservice to society. If everybody who was gay in all professions came out, it would have a huge impact on what's happening right now with teenage suicides."(paraphrased)

I believe she is right on! An author of a book that I read this past year said to me that if gay people came out to their families, it would greatly affect how society views homosexuality. I belive he is right on as well. People need to understand that it is more than about who same gender-loving people sleep with. It's about something deeper...way down on the inside of the person. When a mother or even a father of a gay son is able to associate that boy's face and HEART with what they may have deemed as an abomination or unnatural, they have to see that it's not a choice; he didn't just decide at 7 or 12 or 17 or 23 or 41 that he wants to sleep with men. They must see what a struggle that boy may already be enduring or will endure for much of his life. They must HEAR the HEART of their son. They must look beyond their preconceived notions, their disdain for what they consider a lifestyle and LOVE their little boy...no matter how old he is.

It is so important that gay people educate their families and not have a take me as I am or leave me attitude. It is very key to allow family members to see the heart and understand that it's not all about sex. If gay people would start with their families, perhaps many of those family members will start taking a stand when they hear anit-gay smears and start to educate others. It's reminiscent of a time when some white Americans courageously stood beside black Americans for equal rights when it wasn't popular to do so. When men rallied with women for the right to promotion in Corporate America or to speak in the church even.

I believe communication is one of the major keys to peace. Peace in the communities, schools, churches, and moreover, peace in the HEARTS and MINDS of young gay people. Peace in knowing that they are OK. That is one key. However, the greatest key is GOD. We've got to allow God back into our country, our schools, and even our churches. Yes, I said our churches! Our churches have become religious corporations filled with cold-hearted people who are not being taught about the TRUE and LIVING GOD! For now...just for now...I'm going to go with this: If churches would stop condemning homosexuals, receive them and love them, it would be a great start. Teach LOVE. Many "church folk" say that God hates the sin but loves the sinner. Well, where's the love?? I think this would be a good starting point...LOVE ALL!

Mind you, I did say that I'm going with this stance for now. I will follow up with what's really in my heart. But until then, I say to all whose eyes will see this: SEEK GOD! If the words "I cannot go on" have crossed your mind or even parted your lips, please turn to God. You may not have a relationship with God or you may feel distant from Him. Please know that He is ALWAYS NEAR! God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. (Psalm 46:1-3) You may not know what lies before you, but you can live a peaceful life in God. Again, SEEK GOD!

Perhaps you are at peace with God regarding your sexual orientation. Do you realize that you play a big part in the larger picture? You may not know (or think you know) anyone who "cannot go on". I read that everyone on Earth is separated by only six (6) people. Six degrees of separation. Kinda hard to believe, huh? Well, whatever the case, there may be someone closer than you think who wants to end their life. Does that not warrant our prayers?? Yes, it does! Please pray that peace will reign in the hearts of those who "cannot go on" and that they will surrender to God and let Him love on them.

I ask that you join me in prayer everyday this week. It doesn't matter what time...morning...afternoon...evening...all day. Pray without ceasing. (1 Thessalonians 5:17) Like Nike says, JUST DO IT! Let's believe God for a powerful movement and show the world that we are NOT the red-headed stepchildren!!

Until next time, LOVE and let LOVE LIBERATE!!

VROOM! VROOM! SHIFT...VROOOOM!!!

His name was...

Did you really think I was going to tell you his name? Sorry, no-can-do. The fact that I went from "her" to "him" was a big deal, okay? It was surreal. It was scary. It was happening.

I had broken it off with my girlfriend and transitioned immediately into the "gay life". I had already befriended someone that I thought might have been gay and had started hanging out with him on a regular basis. Even so, I still hadn't considered that I might be gay. I even attended a couple of "gay functions" and still hadn't considered it. It was all very interesting and I would soon find out how much more interesting it could be.

That time in my life seemed to be all "smushed" together. Everything was happening so doggone fast!! First corporate job. First apartment. First "city" girlfriend. And yes, first boyfriend...ever!! I remember it as if it were yesterday. In retrospect, I believe that I was set up. I had been hoodwinked! Bamboozled!! Led astray!!! Or had I?

I was invited to play the organ in a friend's musical concert. This friend we'll refer to as the Matchmaker. One of the other guests happened to be a strikingly handsome musician/singer. I can see him now...looking at me with those piercing, dark eyes. It was like he was looking into my soul...NOT! He was looking very hard, but knowing what I know now, he wasn't looking into my soul. Early 20's?? Uh, we weren't that deep at that age. Whatever the case, I was uncomfortable, yet very flattered. It wasn't the first time that I had been looked at in that manner. However, it was the first time that I actually felt something stirring on the inside.

Prior to this time in my life, I could never really admit that another guy was attractive. In my mind, whatever it was that I felt, I thought it was envy. I thought that I only envied a handsome guy because I wanted to look like him. I remember feeling this way when I was a kid. When I used to visit my grandmother in South Carolina, there was a neighbor guy that was a few years older than me and my cousins, but he allowed us to hang with him. He always wore a baseball cap, chewed bubble gum, and wore an earring in his left ear. I REALLY ENVIED HIM!!! I can see him now! OH HOW I ENVIED HIM!!! Even at what, nine or ten years old? I didn't say in my head, "He's cute." Now, I didn't say, "I envy him because he's so handsome" either. Somehow, even at that age, I knew that I wasn't supposed to see him as a cute guy. So, I envied him. There were some characters on television that I envied as well. I don't know their names, but they appeared as guest stars on shows like Good Times or any of the 70's - 80's cop shows. Very handsome men that I wanted to look like. Yeah, that's it.

So, I'm envying this guy who is staring at me. After our rehearsal, he tells me that he's interested in voice lessons and wanted to know if I could help him. I told him that I did not give lessons, but I did know someone who did. TRUE STORY!! He wrote down his number for me to "forward to the voice teacher". Cool. No harm done. Oh...you want my number as well?? Just in case you need to follow up? Sure, no problem. So I gave it to him. As I'm writing my number down, I can hear Matchmaker and the other guest musician giggling and making sounds in the background. I'm sure you can imagine what I mean. Of course, I'm getting it but I'm trying so hard to play it off. As far as I was concerned, this was all very innocent. Matchmaker knew I was straight. But what I didn't know was that Matchmaker knew more about me than I knew. He somehow knew that gears were about to be shifted...I mean REALLY shifted!!

Where was God during this time? Right there. He was right there with me. I really had no clue as to what was about to happen, so I hadn't consulted God. Did I consult God about getting into a relationship with my girlfriend? Of course not! That was expected. Man and Woman. The way God intended. Right? While I didn't know everything that the Bible had to say about homosexuality, I knew that my daddy, my cousins, my uncles, my friends, the television all said, "gay is bad...it's wrong."

While I didn't know what was on the other side of that door, I now know that God was with me. I also know that the enemy was lurking as well. "Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, roams about seeking whom he may devour." 1 Peter 5:8 I had no idea that I was about to enter into the biggest trap of my life. I don't mean that homosexuality was the trap. I mean the life of condemnation. At 23 years of age, what I'll refer to as the grip seized my mind and had me in utter torment for almost twenty-that's 2-o-years!

My prayer for people like me...people who envy those of their same sex...is that you realize that God is ALWAYS with you. Matthew 28:8 Please, please, please KNOW this! It is so important to have a close relationship with God...as early in your life as possible. This is necessary so that you can dialogue in the spirit with God about the issues and quandaries you will face. While pastors, preachers, evangelists, and the average church-goer may read what Leviticus says about homosexuality (we'll cover soon), the majority of them are reading strictly out of context and do not know what they are talking about. And so goes the little boy or girl in church who hears this information and feel there's no hope for them.

THERE IS HOPE!

Be encouraged until next time...let Love liberate You!!!

MAJOR CHANGES...THANKS TO GOD!!!

It's been a couple of weeks since my last post...had quite a bit going on. I've decided that I will fast forward a few years. Here goes...everything!

Moved to Dallas. Partied...ALOT! Still maintained a relationship with God and the church. He was always there, looking out for me, even when I wasn't looking out for myself. THANK YOU GOD!! He knew what the future held when I could barely see what was happening in the present. While I was playing with God, He was merciful. If you've never heard the phrase playing with God, it simply means that I was living a double life--out partying my butt off and in church EVERY Sunday pretending to love and serve God. Was it really pretending? I don't believe so. I gave everything I had and I was sincere in my giving. Hard to explain, but maybe it will come out later.

Now, I'm partying and spending money (that I didn't really have) like crazy! Still trying to "find" my place. Hating my first job in Corporate America but managing to make it work as best I knew how--with the limited skills I possessed. Making friends--mostly acquaintences--and carving out a future for myself. No girlfriend, just girls that were friends. There were no women on my job that I found attractive. Although, there were a few that seemed interested in me. But again, they weren't for me. No biggie. I had plenty of time for dating. It would come at the right time. Until then, I would PARTY ON!!

God intervened.

Oddly, at 23, I was able to recognize Divine Intervention. I didn't call it such then, but I knew that the change taking place in my life was orchestrated by God. I was spending about $100 every weekend partying. At one point, spending $50-$75 every weekend on "party favors." When I look back at those years, I'm amazed that I even got caught up in that world. I know alot of others who would be just as shocked. Again, THANK GOD for His mercy and grace!

It was like overnight that my life changed. The people that I was hanging out with were all suddenly whisked away to other parts of the country, leaving me with no one that I trusted to share in my "devilment". Again, THANK GOD!

A whole new world opened up for me and with it came a girl. A relationship formed overnight and it seemed to have ended just as quickly. It was exciting the first couple of months, but it soon became boring. Probably wouldn't have been so bad had she not fallen in love with me and felt the need to be in my presence EVERY MINUTE OF THE DAY! I was 23! So, like most guys, I started pulling away. Pulled so hard that I landed in a place that I wasn't prepared for. A place with someone that I wasn't looking for.

His name was...

I'll leave you wondering for now. Wondering if I should credit God and be thankful to Him for this major change. But until my next post, I encourage you to be THANKFUL. As I mentioned above, God was always at work...even when I didn't realize it. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 says "Be joyful always; pray continually; GIVE THANKS in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." Even if you're not at a place where you live a lifestyle of prayer and thanksgiving, it's easy to say THANK YOU GOD just for life itself. Once you start thanking Him for the small things, it'll be a piece of cake to thank Him for the big things. Most people bypass being thankful for the small things in life. If you start with the small things, I guarantee you that you'll make strides in your spiritual journey like you wouldn't believe. After all, it's all about the love He has for you and the love He'd like to receive back.

Until next time...Let Love Liberate You!!

Seasons: They Gotta Change

Isn't funny how your perception of any given age range can change the closer you get to it? When I was a kid, I thought I'd get married and start a family after college. The twenties seemed to be so "grown up". When I was in my late teens, however, I don't really recall how I perceived the twenties. I think I was just trying to find my place...unknowingly. In retrospect, it seems as though I were living in a fog. Not that my entire existence during that time was all dreary, but even then it seemed like I was jockeying for position...any position...again, unknowingly. This would change soon, right?? As sure as the seasons do, huh?

So, high school graduation was looming. Looming? Yes, looming. I knew I wanted to go to college and I wanted to "get out into creation!" I tried out for cheerleader at a very, very prestigious "cheerleader" college. The school wasn't known for its academic program. It really was a highly esteemed cheerleader college...a junior college at that! My dad was only too glad to encourage me to try out for cheerleader there because the school offered a full scholarship. He even went with me to tryouts. Ain't that somethin'?? Well, I didn't make it. There were so many incumbents and they were ALL awesome. I was the smallest and, of course, the least experienced with advanced stunts. I was extremely disappointed.

I was very quiet on the nearly two-hour drive home. My pops was as consoling as he could be. But...I believe he was glad I didn't make it. He somehow managed to mention that the guys on the squad seemed like they migt be a little funny. It's true. They were extremely "girly". But they were FUN-NEE!!! I got to spend some time with them and I know that had I made the squad, they were going to be on a mission trying to pull me out of the closet! Timing is everything. It's about life's seasons.

And it wasn't time.

My dad convinced me to enroll at a college fifteen miles from our home: East Texas State University (Texas A&M-Commerce). HATED IT!! This meant that I would have to live at home!! UGH!! I was soooo ready to, again, "get out into creation". But, I tried to make the best of it. The best of it?? Well, that entailed hanging out with people I already knew. All my black friends went to other colleges, so I did the "white" thing. Nothing wrong with it, but I do believe that it limited my ability to really experience college life to the fullest. After hearing the awesome stories of some of my best friends' college experiences, I really wished I would have taken another route. We may talk more about that later.

I didn't really establish many lasting relationships during my college experience. Again, just hung out with people that I went to high school with...and they lived at home too! Going to class, working my part-time at Braum's Ice Cream, and avoiding fights with my dad was my routine. Nothing really exciting. Trying my best to enjoy college life while living under the still watchful eye of my dad. Was not having the time of my life. Until...

Love came a'callin'!!

My first love. I remember it like it was yesterday. If one closes his eyes, one can breathe in the scent of the air...the air of that particular era of one's life...the air that held the scent of awaiting love that hung like ripened fruit ready for picking. Calling my name, it was. Reaching...reaching...Got it!! The first taste...eyes closed and buds yearning for the sweetness.

YUCK!! Sour grapes!!

Okay, not sour. It was really good. You know, the first love. You never forget it. I say sour grapes because, while we had this incredible chemistry, we argued all the time. So, it didn't last as long as I would have liked. She was three years my junior. I did mention that, right? I was a sophomore in college and she was a junior in high school. While not that far apart in age, on totally different levels. I fell fast and hard. She was going to be my wife and we were going to make some GORGEOUS babies together! Lasted about six months and we were done. Remained friends and eventually lost touch. Everyone's story, huh?

Seasons...

My first love...it was good and I'll never forget it. Had I gone off to the "cheerleader college" I wouldn't have had that experience. I'm not saying that I couldn't have experienced my first love there. I just believe in seasons. For whatever reason, I believe I was supposed to have the experience that I had exactly where I had it at the time that I had it with whom I had it. God knows now and He knew back then what my life's seasons would hold. I can't say that I remember a whole lot about my relationship with God during that time. I can say that I know that He was going right ahead of me, preparing the way and keeping me out of harm's way. He knew that each season would provide its share of fun, excitement, joy, laughter and yes, even its share of bewilderment, sadness, pain, loss, and tears. For Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 states: "To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heavens: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill and a time to heal; a time to break down and a time to build up; A time to weep and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; A time to cast away stones and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing; A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep and time to cast away; A time to rend and a time to sew; a time to keep silent and a time to speak; A time to love and a time to hate; a time of war and a time of peace.

I'm so glad that even though seasons change, God does not and neither does His love for us. He has a divine timeline for us all. Whatever your current season, I encourage you to seek God and allow yourself to be sensitive to His gentle nods that will tenderly guide you on your journey. Be enveloped by His love and know that EVERY season has its purpose in your life.

Until next time...Let Love Liberate You!!

How Could I Have Known IV: Cheers!!

In my last post I shared a bit about my brief days on the track. Hamstring injury and I was outta there! While I wanted so to please my pops by at least being on the track team, I must say that I was quite relieved that I didn't have to run anymore. Shortly after my injury, I found that it wasn't as serious as I initially thought. Nonetheless, I was DONE with track. No worries, though, I had something else to cheer me.

Cheerleading!! Yep, that's right! I had already tried out for cheerleader for my senior year prior to the beginning of track season and was excited! My pops?? Not so much. We went back and forth for what seemed like an eternity before he finally agreed to sign the consent form--the night before tryouts. He signed under one condition: I had to pay for everything. No sweat, Pops!! Just like all the other times, he relented and gave up the moolah if I was in a tight.

I'm sure I prayed in some form or another right before I stepped out the door and onto the gym floor in front of 1200 high schoolers. Did I mention the tryouts were in front of the entire student body and that they held the fate of all the cheerleader hopefuls?? I only told one of the guys that I hung out with that I was trying out and told him not to mention it to anyone. He wasn't a jock like my other friends, but he was definitely "one of the guys". Well, he was never good at keeping a secret.

I really don't know what gave me the courage to try out. It wasn't uncommon to see guy cheerleaders in my high school, but it wasn't widely acceptable for a guy to go out for cheerleader either. Most of the guys that I knew who were cheerleaders before me were "questionable" if not gay. Seems that Black people scoffed at the idea more than other races. We'll touch on that issue later. While I didn't know what "gay" meant to the fullest, I was familiar with the terms fag, queer, and punk (the latter was the Black race's ugliest term for gay or queer). The term sissy seemed a bit obsolete by this time...more elementary and junior high. Whatever the terms for used to label a guy who was a little softer than the other guys and was trying out for cheerleader, I was concerned greatly about being labeled in such a way. But, I guess not enough to keep me from going for it anyway.

It's kinda funny when I think about it. When I first became friends with all these jocks and macho guys in the seventh grade (that's the grade when all the elementary schools' former sixth graders converged into one school for the first time), I seemed to fit right in. While I always felt slightly inferior to their blustering attitudes and masculinity, I had something else going for me. Light-skinned was IN!! Yes! I was the lightest of all the seventh grade fellas. Sure, there were other light-skinned guys, but none were bi-racial with "high-yellow" skin and big curly locks. I don't say this to brag, only to illustrate how African American people used to value certain physical traits over others. But that wasn't the only thing, I was intellectually superior to most of them. So, whatever lurking fear of being labeled less masculine or a little "soft", was smothered by things that I had going for myself.

From seventh grade to eleventh grade the relationships changed with many of the guys. I had become more popular with the White crowd but I managed to divide my time pretty well between the two races. While I didn't hang out with all the Brothers all the time, we were all still cool. So, I shouln't have been surprised when I stepped out that door onto the gym floor for tryouts, that just about every Brother that I knew from freshmen to seniors were sitting on the lower level of the gym in one section...cheering me on!! That was the first thing I saw when I ran out onto that floor. They were jumping up and down so that I thought they were going to come onto the floor with me! What a sense of validation I felt! These were guys who (some of them) would call a guy a punk in a heartbeat--they embodied Black masculinity and they were right there for me. What an awesome day that was! That moment quenched any other fears I may have had that day. I received top vote from the student body and gained a new confidence in myself.

During the entire time I was a cheerleader, no one ever "called me out of my name". Well, at least not to my face. I'm sure there were those who questioned my sexuality or whatever we did then. But again, never did I even hear of anyone saying anything negative about me. THANK GOD! Even if anyone did think of me as possibly being gay, I certainly wasn't thinking like that. There was another guy on the squad with me and we forged a great relationship, but neither of us were interested in boys...we wanted the girls! For real!

I heard a preacher preach a sermon entitled Life Has Its Reversals. There was a HUGE possiblity that I could have been mocked for my decision to try out for cheerleader. When I didn't even know about God's favor, He favored me! Nobody was talking about God's favor during that phase of my life...or else I wasn't listening. How could I have known?? No matter what your life has been like, I'm sure if you reflect on your past you'll find that God favored you and you didn't even realize it. So, reflect and THANK Him for His awesome favor. He caused you to triumph in situations where the odds looked stacked against you. 2 Corinthians 2:14 says God always causes us to triumph! Isaiah 30:18 states that God longs to be good to His children. Be encouraged as you journey through life and know that God loves you beyond measure!!

Let love liberate you!!!